My Lunatic
by YouSaid-Always
Summary: Peeta comes home from a weekend trip to the Capitol and returns home to find Haymitch passed out on the stairs and paint covering the walls. What have they been up to? OneShot. Inspiration from my music teacher calling me a lunatic all the time.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own THE HUNGER GAMES. But GOD, do I wish I did. BOO.**

**Review and STUFF. Ta.**

I got home to a messy house, a half eaten bowl of cereal..wait no, a half empty bowl of cereal, the other half i splattered on the floor. I quietly dodged the mess, and walked around the living room surveying the destruction. The mess gets gradually worse the nearer i get to the stairs. "Katniss," i sighed. The familiar smell of Haymitch reaches my nose and i roll my eyes. That will teach me to go to the Capitol for a weekend.

I come across Haymitch strewn across the bottom of the stairs, a bottle of white liquor in his left hand. I sighed and walked over the drunken idiot. I hear him mumble something like "Stupid..Shouldnt have left that lunatic with me...". I shake my head. I dont doubt for a second i left a lunatic, but shes my lunatic.

I climbed the last few steps and turned the corner to our room. A laugh escaped my lips as i took in the site before me. My paint was splattered along the white walls, feathers covered the ground and my wife was laid in a pile of paint covered duvet with the only two surviving pillows. "Oh dear." I chuckled. A pillow came flying my way which i easily dodged. "Haymitch, bugger off! Ive had enough of your stupid face!"

I grinned. "I take it you're not bothered about seeing me then?" I teased.

Her eyes flew open "Peeta!" She screamed and then winced. "Owwwwwwwww.."She whined, flopping back into the duvet and covered her face with the duvet.

"Is there a reason youre not on the bed?" I laughed.

"Broke." I hear her mumble.

I roll my eyes and walk towards the lump of covers and paint. I lift the top sheet and find Katniss curled into the foetal position, she flings her hands over her face and whines "Bright..brightttt..too bright!"

I laugh and throw the covers back over her. I hear her rustling and sighing..and then snoring. I suppose ill get started on cleaning up the aftermath.

In the process of cleaning up our room alone, i find a goat asleep in the closet, a mannequin from the new fashion store in the centre and a picture of Haymitch and Katniss posing next to the new statue in town. No, not next to..on top of. I laugh and take the goat and mannequin downstairs, letting the goat trample on Haymitch as we reach the final steps.

"Mellark! Ill kill yo..". He stumbles back, "Maybe later." He grumbles.

Oh dear oh dear. What exactly did these two do? And i plan to ask Katniss exactly that.

When i finally coaxed out of our room with a promise of freshly baked cheese buns i sat her down and asked the question that had been bugging me the whole time i had been cleaning up our pig stye of a home. "What the hell happened?" I laughed.

"Well...erm. Where do you want me to start?"

"The beginning, preferably. " i grinned.

She scowled and then looked to exhausted and hung over to think of a remark that would be worth it. "Okay, where did the goat come from?"

"Goat?" She looked at me quizzically and then a flash of recognition shot across her face. "Oh..You mean Sherman. He..We adopted him Peeta! Congratulations!"

I suppressed a smile, "Katniss.."

"Oh, fine. I stole him on a dare. It was Haymitch! That scoundrel said 'Lets play dare' " She mimicked his drunken slur exactly.

"And you said yes.." I pressed.

"Well DUH! How else would we have ended up with a goat?"

"Sherman." I smirked.

"What?"

"Its Sherman." I laughed. She threw a cheese bun in my face. "Thankyou." I grinned, taking a bite.

" Thats mine." She mumbled, grabbing it back off me and stuffing it in her face.

I looked at her fondly. "What?" She grumbled, mouth full.

"Youre cute!"

"Shrump.."

"Excuse me? Shrump?"

"SHA-RUP."

I grinned, "Ah. And the mannequin?"

"Well...That one WAS Haymitch! I turned my back for one minute and he was smooching the doll! What did he call her? Flora? Fila? FRIDA! Thats it, Frida."

Frida the mannequin? Oh god. I let her finish her cheese buns as i mulled over the thought of Haymitch smooching the bald purple doll had me amused for a good 15 minutes.

"And the picture?". I smiled, handing her a glass of water. " Thatstatue is about 16 foot, how did you get Haymitch up there?"

"Not without difficulty. That man is like a log when you're trying to lift him!" She growled.

"I see."

"Well, i was leaning against the statue and then Haymitch chucked your jacket up. So i went to fetch it and he followed. And eventually we were at the top of that thing, well i was and Haymitch was half dangling from my arm. He nearly pulled the bloody thing from the socket! Greasy Sae came out and laughed at him dangling like an idiot and took the photo."

"Ah. And all the while you were sober were you?" I laughed.

"Well, if you hadnt ran off to the Capitol for that show then i wouldnt have had to drown my sorrows in that lethal stuff! Im sure he adds bleach to it or something.."

" Well, i am sorry, maybe i can make it up to you..". I lean in closer.

"Ooh, yes please..she dips her head to kiss me. And then i get a wiff of alcohol, puke and sweat.

"Erm..After youve had a shower and brushed your teeth. Im sorry Sweetheart, but...you stink." I laugh, i grab her plate and glass and move towards the sink.

"Hmph. Fine." I hear her slink off to the shower.

How much ive missed my lunatic.


End file.
